Dear Aunt Agony

Thank you for writing in, Jason Tan. 


I have a good friend who is kind of like your crush. He would do these "gay things" but he's totally straight - has gf and applying for flat, talks abt and ogles at girls. We were really close but he did some things that made me think he's very homophobic - commenting on my friend's pink cap, ewwing at gay kissing scenes and even threatening to punch me if I dare caress his hair (jus teasing him). Strange thing, while we were gossiping with a girl abt her gay/bi friends, I realised he's gay-friendly. One day, he asked why I don't have a gf, was it bcos I'm gay, I said I'll tell him next time as we were on the train. He asked again the next day and I told him. He was a little surprised but took it quite well. In fact, we seem to have gotten closer as I dun have anything to hide from him anymore.

What I'm trying to say is that it's totally possible a straight guy does all these seemingly "gay things" when it's only "gay" when we see it that way. Even straight guys will have special affinity to other guys they click with, just not in the sexual/romantic way. It seems like your crush is probably straight. That said, have you ever tried probing whether he's straight or gay-friendly, like asking about past relationships and talking abt gay issues? But you'd have to be ready to come clean or give some excuse when the questions bounce back to you. How out are you btw?

Anyway, you should settle this soon or move on. At our age, we shouldn't be wasting our time on such ambiguous relationships anymore. I know I have wasted more than enough time on crushes on straight/uninterested/closeted guys. And romantic relationships, especially gay ones, with colleagues can be really complicated if things go wrong.